Life often takes us down different paths

When I started out many years ago, I had so many plans and dreams.  I wanted to be a musician. I began at the university, but then discovered that I had a chronic illness and was unable to continue.  I chose another course, and that choice has created so many difficulties for many. 
I guess I'm just sad today as it's finally hit me that my son may actually go to prison after his last arrest.  I have cried so much today, thinking about what that will mean. My mother is ninety. The chances of his getting out before she passes are slim. I know I shouldn't project trouble like this, but there have been so many times during the past twenty years that I thought: "things can't get any worse than this," and with the intelligence of the judges involved in our divorce and child custody cases, our situation would always worsen. This led to my children all being suicidal, and one turning to drugs to drown his sorrows and fears.  We've been in prison; the perpetrator - our jailer - remains free, actually judging us.  We never live up to his high standards. Nobody does. 
I just want peace, but, unfortunately, I have to live with the residual of his abuse.  He is like a tornado or a hurricane, leaving destruction in his path. And I am the rescue worker, left to pick up the pieces of chldren as best I could.
I still have plans, but now I know that I can only do so much. Life can change what we want to do and who we started out to be. And for some, it can nearly destroy their lives.  I don't think my son has ever had any illusions of tomorrow. He's never lived beyond the moment. Always feeling insecure (you don't have any friends) and inferior. How does a child like him grow into a man?

Addictions

My son is addicted to drugs.  They have taken over every aspect of his life and ruled it for half his life. It began when he was aroud the middle school age. His father was (and remains) very abusive.  We divorced, but the courts here believed the lies (another topic) more than the truth presented under their noses.  The court orders sent my children repeatedly to visit their father, and gave him access to visits here. Along the way, my son became terrified, but instead of turning to his family or the church, he turned to drinking and drugs and developed a drug family. Now 14 years later, he is still doing drugs to shut out the memories, and it appears that he may now be going to prison after being arrested with drugs in his car.
It's not surprising that he turned to drugs. Many people turn to drugs and alcohol in order to escape the pain of childhood memories. His father was lucky; instead of drugs, he was given a hobby which he pursued and pursues to the exclusion of all else. There are no relationships: he never learned to build one. For all of his adult life, he has lived with his addiction to guns. Luckily, this is a more socially accepted form of addiciton as he reached a competitive level. It didn't matter that his addiction destroyed everything around him: when you are the sun, all the planets should revolve around you. It's just the pain and the painful memories that were created and destroyed the lives of those close to him: and continues to destroy.
The words and actions he used taught our son that he was worthless. Whenever the son turned to the father, he was always rejected. The son can never live up to the father's standards. The standards are ever changing.