Dead from the Neck Up

So many people are dead from the neck up.  My exhusband is. Nothing new has passed through his brain cells since..... I have a tendency to feel sorry for individuals like these, but them I've been trained to feel this way.  I guess that doesn't really say too much for me and my choices, but he was also the type of person who played the game.  He knew what other people wanted and pretended to be that kind of person. A chameleon, only not as cute.
I need to stop feeling sorry for him. He makes his choices.  He can choose to be nice to others. But he enjoys being the opposite. He could help his children, but he chooses to ignore them.  Of course, they don't want to have too much to do with him as he was so abusive to them. And it is difficult living with the competition and the gaslighting. "No blood, no foul," he'd say; he never realized or cared that he was dealing with children.  Bruises don't last forever. Just the insecurities they cause. And the words. The words that ring incessantly in their heads. As they still do in mine; thankfully, now as much.
And the gaslighting. Do this, and I'll love you. Do that, and I'll love you.  Oops. Sorry. I know I said that, but the rules have changed.  Repeat the rules. NO! You said the sky was blue, NOT sky blue! Maybe I can prove perjury, and you can go to jail. You lie so much, and you're such a hypocrite. Oh, ha, ha, that's me, but they believe me because I have a better job than you. Anyway, you're just a woman, and that makes me better than you. But I need a woman desperately to do things for me, to care for me - no to TAKE care of me.